A Storytelling Coach More details here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ravishankar-iyer/
Welcome to the 85th edition* of 'Story Rules on Saturday' - that's right, I got Sanket to count how many of these have been put out so far... only 15 more to #100!
So, this week's edition reviews a book which talks about how to design and conduct our gatherings with more impact.
* We may be undercounting it a bit, since there was an earlier edition in MailChimp, but that's ok I guess.
a. 'The Art of Gathering: How we Meet and Why it Matters' by Priya Parker
In a packed room, two senior executives are facing off each other, white towels on their shoulders. Crouching behind each of them is a 'coach' whispering instructions and massaging their shoulders. Rousing music from the movie Rocky blares from the speakers. And the two leaders get ready to start the fight.
Of words.
***
In one of my previous jobs, I was part of an accomplished leadership team - folks who were all highly qualified, value-driven and strongly committed to the cause of youth skilling and jobs.
But over a period of time, differences cropped up on how to achieve that goal. These got complicated due to our differing personalities and world-views. Clear 'camps' emerged. Conversations became increasingly heated. Review meetings were testy, unproductive. It was not an ideal scenario.
I know what some of you might be thinking - Ravi, this is a common occurrence across many workplaces!
I agree. But I want to focus on one specific event which I view as a missed opportunity.
Sometime in 2013 (I think), we got a couple of senior leadership facilitators to run an intervention. They took the entire leadership group (around 11-12 of us) on a 2-day offsite, where we could talk about the contentious points and figure out a way to find common ground and bridge the differences.
Or at least that's what I thought was the objective.
When I went in to that offsite, I had very high expectations. I wanted the facilitators to put us in a safe space and get us to open up with each other. Bring out the differences in a candid way. Disagree without being disagreeable. Share our own perspectives and world-views. Talk about why we thought our approach was right.
In short, that event could have been transformational. It could have gotten us to resolve our deepest differences. Build the foundation of a stronger, more cohesive leadership team. And been a turning point in our organisation's history.
It failed spectacularly.
Due to various reasons - including a failure on our part to take the initiative - the facilitators did nothing of the sort that I expected. They gave us some platitudes about leadership, got us to participate in random exercises and, bizarrely, even went into some aspects of gifted children and human body aura. (That was seriously weird).
Anyway, my overall point: Gatherings matter.
When you get people together, it offers a wonderful opportunity to make a real difference. To examine our deepest assumptions. To get to know each other better. And to get epic stuff done.
And we often blow that opportunity.
This book is a great primer on how to maximise the potential of such gatherings.
***
Priya Parker is a conflict resolution expert - she gets people together, especially those who have serious differences, and facilitates an open discussion.
This book is not just about conflict resolution though - it is about all types of gatherings. It lays down a roadmap on how to deliberately create and host meaningful all kinds of get-togethers.
One fascinating idea Priya shares is that of creating 'good controversy':
Here's a powerful example from the book. In one gathering of leaders from an architecture firm, Priya 'architected' a good controversy. Here's what happened:
This, this was the moment where Priya shows her skill. She had the sense to understand that the group is being nice and harmonious but not productive. And she realised that they need to be pushed and prodded to debate deeper issues using any means necessary!
And so she decided to do something drastic:
The outcome - an open, much-needed debate that made people choose what really matters to them:
I wish we had someone like Priya facilitating our offsite way back in 2013.
Imagine the number of missed opportunities to make a real difference because we don't think through how to design and conduct our crucial meetings.
Of course, in such events, the facilitator needs a ton of skill to ensure that the heated discussions during such moments does not make the situation worse. It might be advisable to run such an initiative only under the watchful eyes of a trained expert.
Another powerful idea in the book is that of 'generous authority' - where you take charge (it's not a democracy) but do it for the sake of others (generously):
From formal to informal gatherings
As mentioned, this book is not only about formal meetings - it applies to all types of gatherings, including family get-togethers, office parties, friends meet-ups etc.
Often when it comes to planning most informal parties, we focus on the tangible stuff: The food (super important), the drinks (even more important), the music, the seating, the house-cleaning... and leave the 'intangible' things to chance. We just expect people to mill with each other, have conversations, sing, dance, eat, drink and then leave.
That is such a missed opportunity. I feel that we should put as much, if not more effort on thinking through the intangible stuff. Of course, that does not mean we need to plan out every minute of the guests' time in the party. But leaving it all entirely to unstructured conversations and music/dance is also not the right way to do it.
What might be an example of a planned fun activity for a party with close friends or family? I highly recommend an event like the 'Story Housie' game which can transform such gatherings.
***
Overall, Priya's book is filled with several examples and ideas for making your gatherings more meaningful.
Fair warning: The book is not the most engaging or insightful to read throughout. I found myself skipping parts and in some cases entire chapters. But its biggest value is in making us realise that gatherings have a life of their own, and it is the host's responsibility to give it shape and direction in order to achieve the audience's shared goals.
For those who may not find time for the book, this TED Talk by Priya offers a good summary of her ideas.
Hat/tip: Thanks to Gwyn Wansbrough for the recommendation.
a. Why floods in Pakistan vs. drought in China by Tomas Pueyo
Another week, another tweet thread by the tireless Tomas Pueyo.
In this one he gives a quick geography 101 of the Indian subcontinent, especially from Pakistan's pov. What is it about Pakistan's geography that makes it vulnerable to such floods...
Most of what Tomas shares are known facts - but the visual storytelling makes it a great primer for anyone who wants to know more.
One TIL moment for me was the concept of 'horse latitudes'.
If this kind of stuff interests you, you can also catch up on an old article I wrote about the geographical factors that led to Delhi becoming India's capital.
a. 'Ian Morris on what big picture history teaches us' on the 80,000 Hours podcast
This podcast episode features historian Ian Morris discussing his latest book 'Foragers, Farmers and Fossil Fuels'.
I'm a fan of big history: Books like 'Sapiens', 'Guns, Germs and Steel' and 'Prisoners of Geography' have been eye-opening reads for me.
Ian Morris writes in a similar mould and in this book offers a fascinating hypothesis: that human morals and values are not unchanging and set-in-stone... They are instead driven by the context of our environment, especially by how we manipulate energy.
Consider the question: If morals and values are unchanging and self-evident, why have they changed so significantly over time:
Ian Morris has a theory:
The marathon 3-hour conversation delves into Ian's past work (bestsellers such as 'Why the West Rules (for now)?' and 'War! What is it good for?') and also raises several objections to his theories.
You may disagree with Ian's theories but will surely learn something new from his clear, passionate and articulate arguments.
This is very cool - if you can't zoom in within the email, click on the link and zoom on on the Twitter site...!
We spoke about the dominance of sequels and reboots in Hollywood in last week's newsletter.
In Bollywood the story is ... a bit different? At least over the last 20 years, the share of remakes has steadily come down; but franchise movies are increasing!
A list of useful tips to speed up your Google Chrome browser.
“A group is ruled by the conversations it can't have.”
- Richart Bartlett on Twitter
a. 'Supermarket is a market of health goals' by Aiyyo Shraddha (1:21)
In this hilarious video Shraddha takes on the idea of 'superfoods'!
Her ability to create clean content on everyday situations with so much wit, warmth and humour is priceless.
That's it folks: my recommended reads, listens and views for the week.
Take care and stay safe.
Ravi
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A Storytelling Coach More details here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ravishankar-iyer/
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